Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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