she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
