So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
