omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
