If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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