Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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