You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think a kid would responsible me up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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