He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
