Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
