K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
