Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
