They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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