i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
