New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
