that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This house was built for laser tag.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
