Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
