birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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