Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
