I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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