Your face is a jimmy john
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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