Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
