Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
