He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
