You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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