barbara walters just said penis...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
