hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
