Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
