Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
