No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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