Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
