he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
