Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
