oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
