I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no more duck duck goose at the bar
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
