Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
