Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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