he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
