well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
