oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
