We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
