my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
