i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
