I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
