wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
