i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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