She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
