can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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