ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
