Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
