Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
