i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
