when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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