i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
