the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
