don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
