please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
