He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
