the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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