winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
