Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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