Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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